so, f loor = Loor.

f luorescent = Luorescent

f lame = Lame.

Lame. Lame. LAME.

so lame, in fact, that just to TELL you about the problem, i’ve had to put spaces between the F and the L, otherwise it wasn’t making any sense.

it’s driving me crazygonuts, but i’m sure hopeful it will be fixed shortly.

but i couldn’t continue on while my brain explodes trying to read the phrase “cheese fell on the Loor.  Loor?  lore?  blerghh….”

it’s not just a first world problem, it’s like a 2.0 world problem, because the issue is VIRTUAL.

so.

you can resume, you know, a life that matters now.

i’ve got some mean reds, for sure.  and it is just about now that i stumbled upon this quote which was shuffling along in my photo folder:

seriously, anton.  seriously.

i have to go find my reboot button now, so i can return to teaching tomorrow instead of becoming a quitty quitter who quits quittingly, which is what i want to do now.

my problem is that assignments i think will take me no time at all actually drag out for HOURS.  and by hours, i mean i’ve been trying to write this paper for the last 11.

yep, my procrastination is turned all the way up to 11.

i need a better word, though.

i’m not trying to do something else.  okay, i take that back…instead of typing words on my assignment, i am typing words here.

and i have a midterm tomorrow.  and it’s 1:15 am.  WHY?!?

i’m definitely not an amateur.  i’ve turned pro.

in today’s edition of REALLY!?! i quote USA Today:

Apparently, Obama’s decision to go sleeveless again is stirring up a debate. The tribute to Stevie Wonder was the second time in as many days that the first lady bared her arms.”

really, american public and internet patrons?  REALLY?  the very attractive and young first lady wears extremely tasteful and event-appropriate clothes with (GASP!) NO. SLEEVES. AT. ALL, and we should comment on it at all, let alone spark a debate?  really?!?

i could go on, but…really?

get off the internet, people, and stop caring about the state of sleeves.  especially when we have more important things to care about, like, say, ANYTHING ELSE.

* side note: i know the obama white house is all about exposure to the arts, etc. which i am all for, but do you also think that secretly they are like “now we are in charge, we get to have free concerts of all our favorite music.  bitchin’!”  i think they are.  me?  indie rock white house all the way.

i blame this primarily on the fact that i vocally announced, to no one in particular this morning, oh, and also to facebook, that i was determined to be productive today.

it does not escape me that any time i say such things, i end up with back problems, car issues, rat infestations — you name it.  in short, any and all things that prevent my being productive.

this is ridiculous.

and now i have to stop typing because my shoulder is seizing up like it has stage fright or something.

typing this paper should be awesomely fun tonight.

side note # 1: is that like karmapolice, but just nerdier?

real story –

here is what i read today on [redacted]‘s blog:

“THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK ABOUT IS EATING…

a pomegranate.”

and here’s the problem with my english-major-22-credit-hour-grammar-addled-brain:

i read this and immediately thing – what is the only thing [redacted] can think about?  and why can that thing only eat a pomegranate?  like it’s a little mystery, and now i’m all curious.  and then it dawns on me, several procrastinatory minutes later, that [redacted] really just can only think about eating a pomegranate, perhaps because he or she is sick, etc.   sigh.  nancy drew, your services are no longer needed for the Case of the Noun Clause Gone Wrong.

side note # 2: really hate it when people say that they take things “for granite” instead of “for granted”.  either they’re wrong, or they are seriously mistaking way too many things for an igneous rock formation formed mostly of quartz.

i know i do.

many things in my life are pants* (thank you, british slang) right now, so instead of thinking about them i’m going to look at this picture instead and ignore my life momentarily:

definitely not pants.

sigh. moment of zen-like pause.

can we have a blog that shows me pictures like this every single day, kind of like this one,
but not all the same animal?

because how could things be so bad with pictures like that?

let’s look at it again.

sigh.

*i do, in fact, realize that this is ‘just life’ and ‘not all bad’ and it has a ‘silver lining’ and i don’t ‘live in a shack down by the river’ [extra points to you if you know that pop culture reference]. in fact, i’m thinking directly of two people who gave me life who are being angelic to me despite my becoming shiva the destroyer this week. and another, who is charmingly putting up with my melodrama. however. right now everything i touch seems to break. also? i spilled my fries. and? my computer won’t stop asking me if i want to connect to a network that i’m already connected to. pants.

“To lose one car in a car accident may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two smacks of preposterousness.”

ugh.  i just don’t want to talk about it.

if you’ve ever seen the scene from my best friend’s wedding, where the best man is giving the speech and just keeps repeating the phrase “love and happiness” about 6 times in various forms, then you can basically get a feel for what this paper sounds like to me.

we hope for the best, because the book it was on is way better.

ugh.  i did way better on the other 10 PAPERS I HAVE WRITTEN IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS.  right?

right?

from the subject of the paper, and the name of the class, i have gathered that this person is at least a junior, possibly a senior, and is around my age (27).

how do you get this far in this day and age without somehow learning how to type with two hands.  i mean, two hands – slowly, two hands while looking at the keyboard — there are many options…but hunt and peck with one hand?  really?  REALLY?

i am a fast typer.  always have been, since one teacher in elementary school taught us how to type.  that, combined with years and years of being in various administrative jobs, i have learned how to type enough that i can look completely away from the keyboard and generally make few mistakes.  when i’m writing something, it sounds like lots of little birds on the keyboard, as not a small number of people have mentioned.

so maybe it’s not this way for everyone.  no worries.  BUT.  ONE.  HAND.  FOR.   A.  TEN.  PAGE.  PAPER?