[laughing]
O P E N L E T T E R S
T O P E O P L E O R E N T I T I E S
W H O A R E U N L I K E L Y
T O R E S P O N D .
– – – –
AN OPEN LETTER TO
MY ABILITY TO LOSE INTEREST
IN THINGS EASILY.
July 11, 2005
Dear Ability to Lose Interest in Things Easily,
Hey, hey, look at me, look at me. I’ll try to make this quick for you. I wasn’t going to bring this up, because you always seem so happy trying new things, but this is getting ridiculous. I can’t afford all this. If you want to play drums, hey, cool, but play them more than three times. It’s like you forgot they were there. And why did you get a keyboard? And don’t tell me it’s because you got tired of the guitar-that’s not going to work with me, mister. Here’s the thing: I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you’re not very musically talented, and by “very” I mean “at all.” Maybe if you stuck with one of them you wouldn’t be so mediocre at all of them.
Listen, over here, hello! No, I don’t know what that bird outside is doing. Focus, all right? Throw your yo-yo and juggling balls away. The only time those things are touched is when I move them to a new apartment. Which brings me to my next point. Why do we move every year? Just once I would like to not have to move. It’s always, “Let’s try this neighborhood, the apartments are cooler here, this way we don’t have to clean it.” I’m sick of it, Ability to Lose Interest in Things Easily.
When we were kids- damn it, quit playing Minesweeper; you’re never going to beat my score-when we were kids, it made sense to be like this, but we’re 25 and a half now. It’s time we don’t take Grandma’s favorite calligraphy pen and never learn how to properly use it. And maybe you should listen to all of the Spanish language CDs I bought you, not just the first one. No, I’m not going to buy you Polish on CD, at least not until you learn Spanish.
Look, maybe this is none of my business-your love life is your love life-but damn, why don’t you call people back? I don’t know if that’s the same bird. How would I know that? I guess you could call the park district and join a bird watchers’ club, but hey, just listen. You go out with someone a couple times and then you just stop calling them. That’s f@$#%!^ up. It takes two weeks for you to get bored of someone. Remember the waitress? Shit, man, some people would love to go out with a waitress. You play two rounds of phone tag and that’s it. There’s no effort. Why do you think you’re alone? Oh, yeah, it’s “by choice.” Pathetic.
Okay, quit looking stuff up on the Internet. No one just e-mailed you in the last five minutes, OK? No, I didn’t know the average yearly rainfall in Seattle is 36.2 inches. No, we’re not moving there. You’ve never owned an umbrella. I suppose we would grow our hair out if we moved there. Maybe we do need a trim, though … F@#!, listen to me.
Yeah, I know, those crosswords are hard. I never finish them, either. Damn, you’re doing it again, Ability to Lose Interest in Things Easily. This is pointless. Call me when you get some focus. I’m going to go check out that bird.
Love always,
Douglas Greuloch
(via McSweeneys)
* * * * *
context, as this is exactly how I feel about exercise. and laundry. and many, many other things.
and? i love open letters.
also? makes me laugh, every time.
as it should be.
AC/DC trounced the High School Musical 3 soundtrack in a battle of high-powered debuts.”
(via USAToday)
why i like this class.
now we will look at wiesner’s thoughts on the text we are reading, so turn to page 5150. also, that’s the name of a great van halen album.”
— Professor W, literary criticism class, 10:05am
organized.
this awesomely fantastic website makes my to-do list MUCH simpler to organize. although, until a few days ago, i didn’t know that i could put my own list into it, and it would feed it to me one at a time.
i just thought that someone was telling me things to do, like take a nap, which was much better than my list.
oh well.
although i will always rely on lists in the spybook, on backs of envelopes, on notebook paper, it’s nice to see it one at a time on a big white minimalist screen.
simplified life? check!
quote:
Nothing is on my horizon, except everything. Everything is on the horizon.”
— Dwight K. Schrute
totally.
000, 001, 002…
my copy of this book was given to me by my grandmother over a decade ago. my copy is well-loved, water-stained, full of photographs tucked in, highlighted and underlined, and always out on a shelf.
years ago i started leafing through it at random and highlighted the ones that i identified with, crossed out the ones i didn’t, and reflected on the things that i had to be happy about.
my friends and family followed suit, so my copy now has years and years of notes from other people, their thoughts and things they are happy about, and this makes me very nostalgic, but the good kind.
i suppose that makes it 14,001 things.
looking through it today, i still find new things to highlight.
this makes me happy.
14,002.
anticipation.
my very lovely sister-in-law, very pregnant and very excited to meet the new little one. any week now…
photo album: weekend
i needed a break this weekend, and i felt like taking photographs.
friday afternoon:
– getting all of my stuff out of my old car, and bidding a fond (and sad) farewell.
– remarking to the boy that i’m glad i took pictures of myself in my car now that its gone.
saturday:
– another trip to target, then to the y for some running.
– stopped by tucker & julie’s (brother & sister-in-law) on the way back to the boy’s house, since they now live only 5 minutes away from each other. a fantastic fall day (one of the last, i’m sure) in the yard and puttering around.
the boys working on tucker’s vespa.
julie & addison enjoying some swinging time.
and many, many cute pictures of addie. i’m totally biased, but she is SOOOO cute. because of her amount of cuteness, however, my brother is convinced that his new son will be uncute. he’s only kind of kidding.
sunday:
– church, then hamburgers and sharing malts with the boy. i’m pretty sure we’re going steady now, but i’m still waiting for his letter sweater.
– a small nap
– working on work and school, and not wanting to do either. whatever doesn’t get done today gets done tomorrow.
fact.
do not burn the candle at both ends.
you will end up a pile of gooey wax.
i feel gooey waxy.
sara, darling. 