bleary.

i’m working with my people to try to get some kind of normal life back right now.  you know, the kind where you feel alive, and not mostly dead.  (anyone else hear the princess bride when you say that?)

but until these things we are doing take hold…

everything is much more of the same. wake up not rested. get really spacey at school during my 1:00 lecture. plug through, taking furious notes and hoping that i get everything. absolutely dead tired, like could-fall-over-at-anytime tired around 3 – 6pm, when i should be getting many other things done, and then i’m up until all hours. exhausted in mind and wired in body. like an elephant is on my chest and the rest of me is plugged into a light socket. it’s nuts.

we’re working on it, for sure. like everything, god knows what he is doing and i am always learning to listen. and most times, except right now when i feel like i’ve been run over this week by many, many vehicles, i have hope that things will improve.

they just take time. small steps, every day. slow consistent change.

and i’m getting to be alright with that.

it’s just the very slow in-between times that are so trying.

isn’t that true of most anything? you celebrate the journey and hope for the destination (if there really is one?) or at least signs of improvement, and you learn patience patience patience.  perseverance is not a pretty sight, i tell you.  mercy amidst despair, or worse (at least for me) despondence.

yawn.

i am really really tired, in nearly every sense of the word.

buck up there, little camper.