i love a parade.
i kind of wish they had a parade once a month downtown where i live.
it’s not because i like having tons of traffic.
or restricted access to the coffee shop i wanted to patronize this morning.
or because i actually want to attend (i seldom do).
so why?
it’s because i like the commotion.
the hubbub.
the fuss.
the spectacle.
the sense that something is happening; something to see, gawk at, wonder at. bright colors, marching band music, folks meandering with kids down the sidewalk.
it feels like something good is happening, and like i perhaps might just live in an episode of the gilmore girls.
and i rather like that quality in my saturdays.
so, really, beyond my immense admiration for what our veterans actually have done for our country, today i also love them for having a parade.
tell me something good.
i used to ask my students that question at the beginning of class…except that this particular 1st hour class was barely awake, and i got tired of hearing “nothing”. i mean that i literally heard the word “nothing”, and sometimes just…nothing.
so i stopped asking.
and i think i’ll begin again.
it’s good to think of things that are good.
i heard one of my lovely fellow teachers ask one of her students (in the midst of said student poring over the bleakness of her angsty teenage present) to tell her something good. but she added something to this that i’ve literally thought about for days now; she said:
“tell me some legitimately positive things that are happening right now — not just the absence of a bad thing, but a positive thing.”
i never really thought of it that way.
such a subtle distinction, the kind that i implore the big brains in my care to notice, but an important one.
good things are not just the absence of bad things. we need to not just be thankful the bad is at bay (or perhaps is not) but see the good.
this same teacher has resumed writing on her blog about 5 things that make her happy each day. reading it is a small bit of lovely each day. it reminds me of my well-worn, dog-eared, highlighted and written-in book that my grandmother gave me: 14,000 things to be happy about. leafing through this book is like taking a long walk with an old friend; remembering the goodness in the past helps me to see the goodness in the present, amidst my wildly unsure footing.
so.
here are my five good things for today:
– for feeling a bit steadier and having more anticipation for my job than i have in the previous weeks.
– doing the dishes while listening to band of horses
– for a sincere “thank you” from someone who recognized and appreciated the mercy shown to him
– dinner with my husband
– for a well-timed phone call from a friend last night
day in the life.
let’s tell a story about the things that occur during a day in the life of a teacher. of course, these aren’t MY true stories because who would write about their real lives on this internet-machine, right?
let’s say that 7th hour on a friday after a long week started fairly normally. the class begins with a freewrite friday journal writing time to a tune of their choice, which inevitably means some kind of rap-hip-hop-remix that makes my ears swell, and not in the good way. but, it’s school-appropriate [the lines of which become blurrier each day, i tell you] and thankfully short.
i believe it was jurassic 5, played from an ipod nicer than mine. [seriously, my students have nicer phones than i do – what gives?]
a pen whizzes past the room. i inform said student that next time they may exercise their legs and place it in the trash, even though they are an exceptional shot as the pen reached it’s destination properly.
then i notice that there are two students lurking in the threshold of the door.
these students happen to have a rather thick island accent, and i’m having trouble understanding what they are doing interrupting my class. i try to get to the point quickly. they gesture to the pen-throwing student. i ask if it’s an emergency. the indicate that it is not, so i submit my kind request for them to head back from whence they came and come back at the end of class to converse with their classmate [most students, at this point, sheepishly leave].
an argument ensues. they do not want to leave and insist on remedying their non-emergency quandary immediately (inner monologue: seriously? SERIOUSLY? go away, strange students!)
i essentially guide them out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me.
i begin a test.
i notice that a smushed face belonging to one of the aforementioned students is present at the door. [side note: could the window in a classroom door be any more useless, except for distracting students? who’s bright idea was that one?]
i go out into the hall, where one of the students has smartly vanished, leaving the other to argue with me now in the hall. i still can’t figure out what this student wants, but i catch the following key words: miss, please, candlesticks [not kidding here], a ring, mon.
i indicate that, as i said before, he may come back at the end of class to resolve whatever Clue-game problem he seems to be having [i mean, really, candlesticks? is mrs. peacock also involved somehow?] and that he will need to leave or he can choose to have Security help him leave. he finally departs.
class continues. test ends, we grade, we move on to the next activity.
ten minutes later, the door opens with two new students looking around the room. they look right at me and ask “who’s the teacher in here?”
wow.
yep, that’s me, i reply. [apparently i blend.]
they then offer me a plate of fried chicken and a bottle of cold water.
[sstill not kidding.]
i have several african-american students in this class, who choose this moment to pull their heads up from their focused activity to answer for me, because YOU [and i’m quoting here] NEVER SAY NO TO FRIED CHICKEN, MISS D!
so i don’t.
i proceed to share the fried chicken with said students, who have begun a conversation about the fried-chicken/african-american link and posit predictions as to why that might be.
[inner monologue: i’m going to be teacher of the year, aren’t i, with this.]
two minutes later, another african-american student returns from having visited the bathroom. we proceed to tell him that he missed his golden opportunity to partake of the fried chicken. he grins, then pulls two pieces from behind his back of which he located the source and procured his snack.
then, my student advises me that the test they are grading has 76 total questions, instead of he 75 i’m asking them to take their total percentage from.
oh, and the grammar mistakes on the vocabulary test (that i took from another teacher).
sigh.
i finish my fried chicken, hoping that my assistant principal does not choose this day for a spot evaluation.
bell rings.
the end.
september 24.
Outside my window…I am listening to the sounds of the marching band practice for the high school homecoming assembly later this afternoon. Alas, the reason I am home instead of at school pertains to having a conference last night, today and this weekend, so I am catching up on some work this morning and heading to the conference this afternoon. I can see students milling about in the parking lot (my, I live VERY close to the school I teach at!), all dressed in school colors. I like homecoming week.
I am thinking…about what the conference teacher was talking about last night. he is the high-energy (high being a gross understatement) excitable teacher who has an immense amount to say about the importance about balanced and trusting relationships coming from a balanced and trusting teacher. very interesting, and i’m trying to digest it all and not feel overwhelmed at how much i have to learn. when did it change for me that learning an immense amount became an overwhelming and scary place instead of an exciting one?
I am thankful for…my lovely, lovely husband working in the next room. since he is officially now a full-time freelance graphic designer and painter, he works from home or his studio instead of having to go into work anywhere. because of this, and his immense desire to serve me, he packs my lunch each morning and (get this) walks me to school every. single. day. there isn’t enough gratitude in the world to be thankful for this person. i’m thankful for my mother who calls me several times a week. i’m thankful for one of the best haircuts i’ve nearly ever had given to me this week by my friend meg. seriously, it rules. i’m thankful for a really excellent department at school, including one other freshmen teacher who offered to plan with me for our classes so it cuts the workload down a ton, a really encouraging and supportive department chair who tells me things like they hired me because i’m a good teacher and that everything else just sorts itself out, and for another colleague/friend who takes me to lunch and lets me talk. and also recommends really good conferences to me 🙂
From the learning rooms… oh, the answer to this could fill volumes. i think i’m learning most about how to really be me and to be okay with the struggle of learning. it’s like an olympic event — i want the headlines, i want the final events, i want the podiums and i want the final statistics…but i don’t like the daily struggle, exercise, practice and uncertainty about how all the work i’m doing will end up. i’m learning most of how to not just cope/deal with this (because that is a dying life, for sure) but how to embrace it and (gasp!) actually be excited/energized by this prospect. it’s really my only option, otherwise i become a teacher-drop-out-statistic and a pretty miserable person.
From the kitchen…come muffins that my husband baked this week! we’ve still not quite figured out our system of store-going and cooking, so we’ve eaten out a bit more than we had intended. all things considered, i think that’s a sacrifice i’m willing to deal with. however, baking things makes me happy, and i was given homework to do things that i have fun doing this weekend amidst my conference, so baking chocolate chip cookies will definitely make it to the list today.
I am wearing… my favorite gap skinny jeans, my shirt from the over the rhine show that says “comparison is the thief of joy” (oh, this shirt speaks to me), a long sleeve thin charcoal cardigan from forever 21 that i wish i ordered about 20 of, and black furry slippers. i’m cold today!
I am creating…lesson plans to teach freshmen about narrative writing/story telling. good times, yes?
I am going…to ride my bike to the library to drop off books/pick up a book that i hope i have time to read, work some more, and then off to another evening of my conference.
I am reading…stephen king’s book about his writing process, anne lamott’s book on writing called “bird by bird”, the most recent issue of vanity fair. i have so many books i want/need to read, and so not enough time to read it.
I am hoping…for clarity. for more opportunities to play games with my husband. for more time with my family. that we find good carafes and trays at the antique store that will work for us. for the pieces to start coming together. to stop being so sick in the mornings.
I am hearing…the sounds of Noah and the Whale come out of my speakers, followed by the National album. so good, these bands.
Around the house…I see laundry that needs to be done and papers to be filed. i can’t seem to work without things being organized first, so that’s always task # 1. i can also see my wedding terrarium that is doing rather well and looking mighty gorgeous after i trimmed it this weekend.
One of my favorite things…is substitute teachers 😉
A few plans for the rest of the week: conference all weekend, my cousin’s wedding on sunday, lots of teaching teaching teaching this week, and discovery of at least 1-2 things i have fun doing. someone asked me what i do for fun yesterday…and i seriously drew a blank. it’s not that i don’t have these things, but the fact that i couldn’t answer a simple question like that tells me something. the husband and i talked about it last night, and we came to the conclusion that we have lots of pleasant times, but overall we think we’re not having enough fun. we tend towards the stable, productive and pleasant because it seems sometimes that fun is the enemy to that state…but i think we’re mistaken 🙂 we’re going to find out.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing…our wedding photos finally all came together with editing, and i find them very lovely to look at, so here’s one that i particularly like.
(thanks to saralo and the simple women’s daybook for inspiration)
somehow ira glass and i have the same job. odd.
in this Q & A with The Ira Glass (capital letters intended), this exchange occurs regarding ira’s job:
“In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
I try to make things fascinatinger.”
strange, that’s what i feel like i do too.
lifeboat.
this year’s lifeboat verse, i believe, is a tie between the following:
Romans 8:37
37Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors [a]and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.”
2 Timothy 1:7
7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”
* * * * *
what’s your vote?
any of them speak to you specifically?
any verse you are hanging on to for dear life right now?
school supplies, a beginning.
don’t EVEN get me started on my love for school supplies. one of the many benefits of my chosen profession is the opportunity, nay, necessity of buying new supplies each school year.
it reminds me of one of my favorite films, you’ve got mail [don’t judge!], when joe fox says:
“don’t you love new york in the fall? it makes me want to buy school supplies. i would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if i knew your name and address.”
[emphasis mine, for the phrase that makes me just swoon.]
a bouquet of newly sharpened number 2 pencils would smell, to me, divine. almost better than flowers.
until then, new folders will have to suffice.
i think these will be my new “to be graded”, “already graded” and
“dear lord, WHEN was that assignment due that you are turning in so egregiously late?” folders for each class.
things charming me today, summer installment two.
right now is a perfect time to think about the things that are charming me, the set of which does not include the sounds coming from the plumber (who we’ve named pagoda, as he resembles the aforementioned butler from the royal tenenbaums in both stature and speech) pounding around in the kitchen to locate the leak behind the wall and shedding damp drywall pieces all over the floor and elbow-bumping appliances (including my rolling pin, which just now crashed to the floor with a threatening thud.)
yes, let’s distract ourselves with much more pleasing thoughts.
perhaps from the next room over, out of ear shot.
a refrigerator full of beverages.
few things please me more in the summer than opening up the fridge to see well-stocked shelves and a myriad of beverage options. iced tea, cucumber-strawberry water, izzes, limeade, leftover soda and beer from a barbecue, sparkling water.
if i can fill a kiddie pool with the beverages in my fridge, we’re in the right area. in fact, let me just go do that right now, so i can bathe in the bountiful beverage lagoon of goodness.
grown-up bed.
it was time for the boy to have a bed that reflected his 30 years of living, rather than, say, a 22-year old who, upon graduating from college, acquired a good mattress and thought that having matching colored sheets, blanket and curtains sufficed for bedroom decor.
enter wife, stage left.
i brought over my bedroom furniture, but our bedding/sheets/pillows area still felt lacking. as we walked the aisles of ikea during our honeymoon, i lingered a little longer in the textiles section, and unearthed this perfect duvet cover. an earthy pea green set, queen size, for the unearthly sale price of $17. i snatched it up quickly, along with some soft slate-colored sheets, and insisted that we were taking them home, even if i had to sit with them on my lap on the plane.
the boy did not protest, but he seemed somewhat indifferent, only weighing in that the colors were acceptable.
then, after strategically shifting all of our loot around on the floor of the sea-tac airport so as to not go over the limit on baggage weight, the lovely bedding arrived home and i put it all together.
after just a few hours, the boy exclaimed (he would protest here, saying he doesn’t exclaim, but i know differently) that he loved our new bed and it was like sleeping in a hotel bed.
cheers, wife.
smiling, husband.
end scene.
bud vases with wedding flowers.
speaking of loot from ikea trudged home by a determined new bride, these bud vases rule. they are sturdy and monochromatic and small and cheap and cheap and have i mentioned they were seriously only about a dollar fifty a piece cheap?
i’ve definitely been into the white on white decor lately. i think i’ll start referring to it as my bob dylan phase of decorating, because perhaps that will make me feel that this is less boring than i fear it is (see also: blonde on blonde). these pretty ladies perch right up near my desk.
trip vases.
i never know where to remember things.
i mean, i know how to remember things (except, apparently, my cell phone, keys or wallet as i walk out the door), but i never knew how to keep mementos from trips, ticket stubs, pictures, programs and general trip ephemera. i’ve never been much on the scrapbooking kind of tip, nor do i want to just have boxes of vacation crap that i feel too sentimental to throw away and only visit when it’s time to lug heavy crap boxes to my next location.
early last year i was meandering around the internet machine when i spied a fantastic solution to my dilemma. i forget where (so if anyone knows, i’d be happy to link), but on a blog someone wrote about how they stored trinkets from their trips in antique mason jars (cost: free to approx. $12) and lined them up neatly on the shelves. it limits what you put in there, it displays it in a streamlined way, yet keeps everything as part of the decor of your house.
we have one from our trip to vancouver canada last year, and one from our honeymoon to seattle this year, and my only issue with this is why i didn’t think of such a simple and great solution myself years ago.
also, the polaroid mio (or, i suppose now, the fuji instax camera film) is a perfect size to fit.
of course.
a succulent that does not suck…ulent.
i really can’t help succumbing to the pun. you’ll forgive me, right? i know it’s bad. i’m hideous. don’t look at me.
i kill most plants. and, full disclosure, the plant pictured above is currently in a stint of rehab [read: my mother’s house] because it started to droop a little at the bottom and turn brown despite my following of the precise directions to not water it much and give it indirect sunlight. but, it’s still not dead, and i’m hopeful that it will live.
the porch swing.
ohhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhh, omgggggahhhhhhhhhh.
two words:
porch. swing.
along with two more words:
cocktail. hour.
when no other words will do, these four will save your life, and probably save my new marriage from becoming an old stale/hateful one.
you think i’m kidding.
into the woods bathroom.
i can’t say that bed bath and beyond is my idea of a bastion of style, but this shower curtain is certainly one of my favorites. we bought this with one of the gift cards bestowed on us for the wedding, and although the boy was initially unsure, once we put it up he quickly rescinded his previous doubt and fully embraced the stark tree silhouette greeting those entering our forest. er, bathroom.
i like that it’s not too graphic-y, but not too nature-y either. it’s a perfect balance, and about as close as we get to being outdoorsy.
time.
oh, summer. i wondered if the summer would past too quickly, like the quick gulp of air you get between getting dunked in the pool repeatedly by an older brother; the abrupt breather between strenuous seasons.
thankfully, although it has been a full and somewhat quick summer, i don’t feel that way.
between finishing college, planning a wedding, pursuing and securing a job, and moving, the months from january to june were quite the blur. my post-wedding june consisted of a house to establish, a marriage to enjoy, meals to cook and paperwork to fill out. july has been a hot but glorious respite, and in my last two weeks before beginning my first year as a teacher, i feel like i’ve finally surfaced from my underwater dwelling and have actually had time to float, float, float.
the luxury of time will never be undervalued currency in my life.
the time for my soul to expand and breathe, the time for my exposed nerves to heal, the time for my mouth to open wide, wide as i laugh with friends i haven’t seen in what seems like ages, time to ingest food that came from the ground, made with my own hands, instead of from a paperbag crumpled in my grip.
time, sweet, time.
one of the things charming me, every day.
* * * * * *
on emotional vocabulary.
Emotions, in my experience, aren’t covered by single words. I don’t believe in “sadness,” “joy,” or “regret.” Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I’d like to have at my disposal complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic train-car constructions like, say, “the happiness that attends disaster.” Or: “the disappointment of sleeping with one’s fantasy.” I’d like to show how “intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members” connects with “the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age.” I’d like to have a word for “the sadness inspired by failing restaurants” as well as for “the excitement of getting a room with a minibar.” I’ve never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I’ve entered my story, I need them more than ever.”
— Jeffrey Eugenides, author
30 before 30.
one of the blogs i read, making it lovely, created a 30 before 30 list, consisting (as the name obviously implies) of a list of 30 things she wanted to accomplish by the time she turned 30.
i love lists.
but i have a love/hate relationship with goal-oriented lists. have i discussed this before? it feels awfully like a well-tread discussion. the reader’s-digest-condensed-version synopsis of my complex relationship with goal lists is that i feel often like it’s just an opportunity to fail and/or i make unrealistic goals or ones that as it turns out i don’t even care about very much.
and who wants that kind of pressure to muck up the fun of making a list?
but.
i’m being inspired by both making it lovely’s 30 before 30 list and also mighty girl’s mighty life list. the things i like about these lists:
- they are specific
- they mix audacious goals with mundane “i’ll feel so much better once i’ve organized the hall closet” kind of goals.
- they are modifiable if needed or if wanted
- i love lists
- i really love lists
so, in that spirit, i may have allegedly rumored to have started creating a 30 before 30/mighty life list. maybe.
[how’s that for non-committal? we’re dipping our toe in the shallow end, here.]
one of the things that i knew promptly had to go on the list is acquiring pieces of jewelry that i love. i own a few pieces that are in constant rotation, because i look at what i could wear and then immediately discard that for these items that i love lovey love. as a rule, i think i should only buy things that i absolutely love, and we’re starting with jewelry.
also, i’ve found that i can get away with possibly more casual/simple/modern-lined [read: black, white or grey, which is what my wardrobe mainly consists of] clothes day in and day out if i pair it with awesome shoes and fun jewelry. i also get compliments from my students, and that’s never a bad thing. [or is it? hmmm…]
here are some possible contenders:
[etsy]
[etsy]
[greener grass design, which is quickly moving up the ranks in my books for awesome stuff]
[greener grass design]
[dejarnette]
[dejarnette]
[etsy]
* * * * *
let the listing commence.
sara, darling. 
