tonight’s agenda:
location: red rocks amphitheatre
occasion: my gift for the boy’s 29th birthday (two days early)
what we’re going to see:
and iron & wine.
the best rappers in new foundland, besides steve. can’t wait.
i have a paper due tomorrow, and one due monday. then my semester is over. however, i’ve managed to write only one word in the past few hours:
torpor
1 a: a state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility.
* * * *
how apt. i see that these next few days are going to be excruciating.
to ponder.
apparently, in the chinese language, “crisis” and “opportunity” have the same ideogram. that is, the same symbol that means crisis also means opportunity.
i’m pretty sure these terms are synonymous in American English too, at least in my life.
tuesday plath.
“vague as fog, and looked for like mail.”
that’s just the best part, for me.
monday morning ughpdate: finals edition!
1. finals week.
due dates:
- today: 3 page analysis paper on fun home – turned in
- tomorrow: 12 page research paper on AP Testing and the effects on college-level writing. 1/2 of the way done, getting extension to turn it in on thursday/friday.
- wednesday: two back to back finals. chaucer at 8am, history of the english language and grammar (two separate finals combined into one massive ‘death by final’ for added fun) at 10:50
- wednesday afternoon: collapse, but only momentarily because…
- thursday/friday: ultimate due date for aforementioned 12 page paper
- monday: 10 page literature research paper on hemingway’s persona in the sun also rises and a commentary on the effects of such a literary move.
are you tired? i’m tired just typing it 🙂 and yet, as much as i want a break and i want this semester to be over, i still want about 2 more semesters of english classes. like, seminars and smaller classes, reading and writing more. because, apparently, i like to punish myself. professor awesome told me that that is what graduate school is for, and highly recommended i get my master’s degree. in english-related fields, not education.
i cannot say that this is out of the question. hardly.
2. in other news, though, my good friend rob stennett asked me to read his new novel coming out this summer in advance and write a review and tell you all about it. so, my leisure reading list just got one bigger, and i’m excited about it. and, of course, i’ll blab to you all about it and, if it is as interesting as rob’s other writing has been, i will push it on you like crack.
3. addison mae finally said my name. she pointed, and said “thar-wah”. i was the only one she wouldn’t say, and now i’m totally IN. so cute.
4. mother’s day was good times. i love my mother so very very much, and i like occasions that center around you telling people specifically what you like about them. genuine thankfulness and appreciation is never undervalued currency for me, and i hope to have a wealthy account from which to giver generously in this regard. and, i like food and balloons. let’s throw more parties.
5. the lilac bush has a few blooms this month. the lilac bush in the backyard was my grandmother’s favorite, and it bloomed extravagantly the summer right before she died — never before, and never since. this year we have a few blooms, and i like to think that she’s just peeking her head back into our lives to see what’s going on.
my brother picked a few, and they are sitting in a wooden bowl filled with water on my desk, and this makes me infinitely happy.
6. one of my professors was talking about how he could never get through any book by james joyce alone, that he could only make sense of them in a group. i liked that, because this is how i learn well. some books i will read, and love by myself. but many times, it’s only through a discussion in a class or a conversation with people does the book become meaningful and interesting to me. this is what happened with hemingway for me, and many others.
which leads me to say that…
7. i want a book club. i do. i have wanted one for so very very long. but nothing seems to last these days, unless what you are doing is important to people, so important and interesting that they make every effort to engage. it could possibly be a pipe dream in my current culture of committed and over-committed friends, but i’m just putting it out there that i would LOVE to have a book club. or like, a book club where drinks are served and we end up going on tangents from the book to more important things. and we love the book. or hate the book. but at very least, we read and engage with other people, and gab, and have a fabulous time.
8. why does the state of illinois contain so many of my favorite people? i think that everyone illionis and east needs to begin their westward migration.
9. hypothetically, i bought nutty bars this week. allegedly, i have bought them every week around finals, because i like to eat them layer by layer so that two little bars of goodness become 8 tasty little layers in my mouth. supposedly, i feel a little guilty about eating such a field-trip lunch food. you remember field-trip lunches, right?
i’m just saying, you know, hypoethetically.
10. i think my dad should get another master’s degree, in like english literature or political science. or his phD. he’s wicked smart, and i think he would have fun. then he can get back to teaching math in college again.
11. going to see flight of the conchords and iron & wine this weekend for the boy’s birthday. i hope the weather is warm, as it’s outside at red rocks amphitheater. i’m in the mood for a good summer concert, i think. and red rocks is perfect for just such a thing. the last time i was there was with mr. harms and de novo dahl and my kinseyfriend, so it’s been awhile.
12. still haven’t heard back from the job i interviewed for…hopefully this week.
i thought the picture, above, would make the boy laugh. it’s from a company who makes these random t-shirts (hence the “men’s” in the lower corner). i forget the name of the company, so i’ll edit this later with a link. but seriously – this is why this semester needs to end. i have become this un-superhero, and it’s not pretty… 🙂
12 things to start your week, people. and…..good blog.
now is the time frame in which i take a break, and eat an unhealthy lunchable and drink a coke and wear mismatched comfortable clothes and watch grey’s anatomy for an hour.
this is a break, in every sense of the word.
the closest i can get to mini-vacation.
for one hour.
and then, we will resume the regularly scheduled [read: papers, chaucer, reading, reading, reading, highlighting] programming.
my offering.
it’s finals week, people.
i am working morning, noon, and night, just to get these papers written, finals passed, books read, and kicking myself repeatedly for saying yes to doing anything non-school-related this week inadvertently.
apologies.
i offer you, instead of any details from my life this week i could remotely bore you with (and they all would, truthfully), a pun that i overheard this week:
“It was once said that a black man would be president “when pigs fly”
… indeed 100 days later into Obama’s presidency… Swine flu.”
you’re welcome.
monday morning ughpdate.
1. i’m sick.
2. it’s very near finals week.
3. as in, next week, next week is finals week, which means this is pre-finals week, otherwise known as the week i have to write final papers.
4. this is also known as the week where my head explodes and it is VERY UNHELPFUL to be sick.
5. i have a really great boy. great, he is. he brings me gingerale in little bottles.
6. i have to play piano in two days. in front of people. to songs i have not heard of. why do i do this?
7. my friend erin had her first baby. he is very very cute.
8. i just slept the equivalent of 2 days, and am still tired. this should be a sign.
that’s all i got, folks.
a bigger boat.
“Life is “trying things to see if they work”.”
— Ray Bradbury
well, as it turns out, i don’t like to do that very much. i mean, i like to try new things, but only if i’m assured that a) they will work, b) i will like it, c) i will be successful at it, d) i won’t look like an idiot, e) i can confidently know what i’m doing. i didn’t realize i was such a wuss. i mean, i have inner wuss most of the time, but i force myself eventually to just plunge into the difficult and unknown.
but it makes me all fussy.
exactly the wrong kind of qualities to have when you want to, say, date someone who has never met anybody you’ve ever known and doesn’t live in your city. or change careers. or go to college. or teach. or anything adventurous or fun.
i’m not going to lie, trying new things is like travelling to me — exciting mostly in retrospect. there are moments, like when i first spied the notre dame in paris, where i get really excited RIGHT THEN. but then, my feet start to hurt, i miss people who aren’t on the trip with me, i get hungry or tired and just want to go back to the familiar.
and then, months and years later, i remember it as SO AMAZING.
i’m hoping that’s how i will feel about this time in my life. you know, some day soon.
last night, like with many nights, i was exhausted in mind but my body coud not seem to hoist this big elephant off my chest and settle down. so, at 10:15pm, i dragged the boy out with me to go on a walk, in the misty rain. we walked so far, and so fast, that before i knew it it was 11pm and we found ourselves at a mcdonalds downtown. it took me 45 minutes of cold nervous walking just to get it all out.
now i know what my friend kristin means about running just to work things out, not even really for exercise.
for as difficult and new as everything feels right now…
we’re going to need a lot more walks.
i have to remind myself of what the alternative is — that my life at points has felt safe, comfortable, boring and frustrating. when i felt this last, i moved to seattle.
it’s fitting that the days that i realize i’m yet in another stage of this, the weather is misty, grey, coldish.
it’s my seattle again.
yeah, we’re going to need a lot more walks.
sara, darling. 